Best known as Que .
Orange Coast College.
CNH Circle K International.
I’m exhausted tonight (or rather, very early morning since it’s 1:59AM). I was about to drift off into very guilty I’m-really-sorry-world-I’d-like-to-make-more-clones-of-me-JUST-so-I-can-get-more-work-done-but-there’s-not-much-left-in-me doze, but then I received a message from someone whom I hadn’t seen in years.
Kevin and I were classmates in my senior year of high school (He was a junior I think.), but since I graduated, we never saw each other after that. It wasn’t until very recently that we became Facebook friends, but after mere Instagram likes and Facebook comments, he sent me this message:
"Hey I know it’s been a while, but one glad to see you’re doing well… Continue to work hard.. You’re definitely a role model for ppl like me.."
Amid my drowsiness, I began to feel so emotional and humbled. You see, he’s serving in the Air Force, with his own title and his own gradation, and if that isn’t enough, he has been such an incredible, loving father (I when we’d sit in class, and he would be so excited when talking about his then unborn son.).
How can I possibly be a role model for someone who works so hard for me and EVERYONE else? You’ve been through so much for ALL of us, and my efforts simply can’t compare to all that you do.
Feeling crummy, not for, but about myself these past few weeks is a definite understatement. I’ve been questioning my worth, my worth to others and my worth for others, but I’m reminded that:
Thank you, Kevin. Thank you for restoring a part of me, and I hope that I’ll never forget your words.
We had a lot of trouble with western mental health workers who came here immediately after the genocide and we had to ask some of them to leave.
They came and their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. There was no acknowledgement of the depression as something invasive and external that could actually be cast out again.
Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave.
I like when they text me good morning or call me. Check up on me all the time. I actually don’t find that annoying. I don’t get how you couldn’t like that. Someone constantly wanting to talk to you and show you affection. I love it when someone does that. That keeps me happy and it will keep me from leaving. It shows that you are thinking about me.